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STOP! IN THE NAME OF LOVE
Guess who made the cover of People Mag this month... give up (no peeking)... It was Jennifer Lard Hewitt. She wants ya'll to stop calling her fat damn it!
So we thought we'd help her out. Here is proof that she's not fat.
Oh crap...wait...it's around here somewhere, but anyways in the article the Most Whisperer encourages fat women everywhere to put on your bikinis and head to the beach and make a statement. Oh yeah, put your bikinis on and head on over to the beach in the middle of December... That'll make a statement alright... that you're a fucking loon. It's a great idea for fat women, until summer hits and the hot women get back out on the beach. Then you're gonna have to stuff your cheeks with food and take your fat asses back into hibernation.
Jen, you're fat, just accept it. Nothing wrong with that. Plenty of stars are fat... Rosie O'Donnel, Roseanne Arnold, Jabba the hut, that dude on Springer that they had to take apart his house to get him out. See?
You're a "roll" model.
FASHION ALERT!
ATTENTION: Jennifer Love Hewitt... Grandma Moses called...she wants her dress back.
Love Hewitt was seen walking with her cousin in L.A. this weekend. The Hoe Whisperer was wearing a support boot, probably cus her cankles can't support her fat ass on their own anymore.
Apr. 28, 2008
DOGGIE STYLE IN THE PARK
If you think Jennifer Love Hewitt unzipped her jeans and pulled out a teeny weeny peni and started humping her fiancé Ross McCall, we can't blame you.
Look at the look on the dog's face, "Fuck this shit, I ain't into freaky animal threesomes.....HELP! HELLLLLLLP!"
Love-Humping told the press that she doesn't want to get married in the summer because she doesn't want to be a "sweaty bride".
Somebody please explain the concept of deodorant to this dumb bitch so she'll stop putting the Old Spice in her Hamburger Helper.
May. 1, 2008
THIS IS TV GUIDE'S 2008 "SEXIEST STAR"
Jennifer Love Hewitt and her cargo ass was named TV Guide's "Sexiest Female Star". Obviously the good folks at TV Guide have developed brain cancer.
Love Hewitt, who was ridiculed ever since those pics of her ass falling out of her bathing suit popped up, could be considered a lot of things (biggest star, most junk inda trunk star or chunky monkey star), but should not be up for this award, much less winning it. We thinkest TV Guide owes CBS a huge favor.
Patrick Dempsey of Grey's Anatomy was named "Sexiest Male Star". He was thrilled until they told him who won the female award.
"Are those tears
of joy
Patrick???"
"*sniffle* ok *sniffle*"
Aug. 14, 2008
OH THE SHAME
Jennifer Love Hewitt (29) graces the cover of PhotoShop UsWeekly Magazine. She tells all her saps fans that she lost 18 lbs in ten weeks.
Last November the Ass Whisperer got a lot of shit because pictures of her humungous blubber butt in a bikini were taken by the pappos. She told the press then, that the pictures of her hippo ass were taken at "an unflattering camera angle" and that she is a size 2.
Well if it was an unflattering camera angle, then why lose weight now? And if you were a size 2 back then what the fuck are you now... IOU -2 ?
LIES LIES LIES.
The bitch probably did lose weight, but it's no secret how she did it. It's called the Pappos Total Humiliation until you starve yourself to a skinnier body plan. She should be back to being a blubber whale in about 6 to 8 months or so.