Tom Cruise is a JackAss

May. 5, 2008

PSYCHO INTERVIEW PART 2

Oprah finished her interview with Tom Cruise today without turning into a vampire or worse a Scientologist. Enjoy

CLICK HERE to see all the crazy.

May. 2, 2008

TWO NUTS IN THE SNOW

Here's the first part of the Oprah Winfrey - Tommy Boy interview in Telluride, Colorado. No couch jumping but still a whole bunch of crazy. WARNING: this film contains fat black women and crazy ass white people... not suitable for children or adults.

Apr. 8, 2008

WE FOUND SURI...SHE WAS HIDING IN THE TRASH CAN

AWWWWWWWWWW, if it aint Tommy boy and golden child Suri Cruise playing in the scientology sand box.

Does it scare anyone else that Suri and Katie are starting to look more and more like Tommy boy everyday? We think that Suri and Katie are in fact one...and are a sick part of Tommy boy's mad Scientology experiments to clone scientologists all over the world.

HURRY everyone run back to your houses...lock your doors, put on your tin foil helmets and shave your balls. (That last one might be a bit too far...but the rest of its all good)

Apr. 7, 2008

TOM & KATIE BREAKING UP

Now we're going to tell you right off the bat that we're double checking the validity of this story.

Multiple sources are reporting that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are on the verge of breakup. Apparently Tom is running out of patience. Katie has been trying to adjust to her new lifestyle as a super celebrity but she’s struggling. And everything just seems to be getting worse, causing her to have more fainting spells and blinding headaches.

Tom supposedly told his wife, “I’m taking Suri with me if our marriage falls apart.”

Like I said we're not sure how much of this is accurate but there's more to come. Our Mexican spies are everywhere....stay tuned.

Apr. 1, 2008

KATIE HOLMES NEW DEW

Katie Holmes is looking more like Sherlock Holmes, sporting tiny boobies and an awful new haircut. Seen above leaving Osteria Mozza after dinner and clearly upset about something, as she walks by the pappos without so much as a "fuck you". Maybe she found a hair in her thousand dollar soup and she couldn't tell if it was from up north or down south.

Is it just us or does Holmes girl look more and more like Tommy boy everyday? Damn scientology voodoo.. I need to go tape up my doors and windows.

Mar. 17, 2008 - 12:00 p.m.

UNCLE TOM WANTS U

Tom Cruise is drafting negroes for the church of Scientology. And Will Smith and wife Jada Peko Smith are up to bat and are reportedly very active in the church of Crackology.

Judging from the way Hollywood is going.... we say California should be COMPLETELY FILLED with Crack abusing, faggoty Starbucks scientologists in about 20 years......give or take.

Apr. 4, 2008

SCIENTOLOGY 101 - PUFF PUFF PASS

       There is this new medical marijuana that is called “Tom Cruise Purple” and medical pharmacies are selling it with a picture of Tom Cruise doing the Tom Cruise's gay laugh.

      Tommy Boy's not buyin, being a Scientologist and against the use of any sort of drugs except the ones that keep Katie Holmes singing "My Little Pony" two or three times a month.

        So what is the Tom Cruise Purple? One smoker told the NYDN that , “it's the kind of pot that makes you hallucinate." Well shit, they should hand that shit out at the concession stands when you go see one of his movies.

May. 1, 2008

NOT ON MY COUCH BITCH

Oprah Winfrey interviewed Tommy Boy at his home in Telluride, Colorado. Tommy boy started shittin brick when Oprah started puttin her feet up on his couch. He thought she was gonna start crumpin 'n shit and start yelling, "payback's a bitch!"

Tom and Katie picked O-dawg up at the airport right before Tommy sent Katie off to Scientology Space camp. (you know her ass was writing her parents to get her the fuck out of there..."Hello mother....hello father.."

After Oprah asked Tommy about Scientology, his marriage, and exactly when he lost his marbles Cruise took her for a ride on his Scietologymobile where she screamed for her life.

Part 2 of O's interview with Cruise will take place back at her place in Chicago. And part 3 at Shady Oaks mental facility.

May. 9, 2008

TOMKAT WANT ANOTHER BABY

Tomkat's has done all the freaky Scientology experiments that they could possibly do on little Suri. They are talking about creating a new test tube baby. Does it really matter? They're gonna be bottle feeding Suri until she's 32. A family friend reveals:

“She said she’s got the itch,” said a friend close to the pair. “Now that Suri is more toddler than baby, she said she misses having an infant in the house. And, of course, she thinks Suri would make a great big sister.”

She's got the itch? That could just be her crabs acting up again. See, this is how rumors get started.