Copyright © 2007 CelebrityJackA

Feb. 29, 2008 - 4:30 p.m.

LOTSA MONEY, NO SENSE

What is too skinny?

Just look at Nicky Hilton seen above shopping. Sexy! Jenny Craig would be proud. Both her sister, Paris, and her brother, Barron, have done time in jail and its HER that looks like the poster child for a Bosnian refugee camp. Maybe it's the stress of being a celebrity (pfftlol).

I heard she walked by a shelter this morning and a homeless guy gave her half of his sandwich.

Feb. 29, 2008 - 10:30 a.m.

PARIS ON THE COVER OF 944?

Paris Hilton graces the cover of 944 Magazine??? Yeah, we don't know what it is either. I mean it says, "official lifestyle magazine of the Arizona Super bowl host committee", but we KNOW that the popularity of Ms. Hilton has not plummeted so low that she couldn't even get the cover of Fish N Stream. So we assume that's a big typo.

She should grace the cover of 'Tan in a Can'.

But other than that, the princess looks good. Makes me wanna run right out and buy a pair of tidy whitys and duct tape.

Mar. 4, 2008 - 9:30 a.m.

RENT-A-MONK

Paris Hilton has acquired the services of a Shaolin Monk to be her spiritual guide and guru in order to fill her pathetic life with wisdom and spirituality.

Wait, this is Hollywood. Celebrities don't do meaningful shit.

Turns out that the "Monk" is a D-grade actor named, Maxie Santillan who has been hired by Paris as a publicity stunt. He has been in many spiritual and uplifting Hollywood pieces including, "My Name Is Earl".

We will pay Maxie $20 to rape Paris up the ass. Now there's a good publicity stunt.

Mar. 12, 2008 - 2:45 p.m.

"I'M NOT STARVING MYSELF!"

So says 72 lb, Nicky Hilton who was at her self-named fashion show yesterday. Sticky Hilton stated, "There's no truth to any starvation, eating disorders, rumors. I think the press has been printing a lot of pictures of me from unflattering angles,"

Unflattering camera angles? Bitch, when you look like an anorexic circus monkey on crack there's only one angle people see you in.

Oh her whore of a sister showed up with her PopFiction set up,, Blues Brothers, Mr. Magoo love child boyfriend.

Comments

Mar. 8, 2008 - 9:30 a.m.

WOW, I HAVE BOOBS?

After chillin with her fake Shaolin Monk, Paris Hilton prayed for boobs and the lord provideth! This has to be the stupidest rich bitch in the world.

Hilton is gearing up for an upcoming role in NBC's "My Name Is Earl" where she plays herself...a brainless whore.

Mar. 21, 2008 - 9:40 a.m.

WE ARE THE WHORE

What did Africa ever do to us?

Paris Hilton visited South Africa with her Mr. Magoo boytoy from Good Charlotte. The little African kids were gleaming with joy, as they have never seen a real live prostitute before.

Paris visited the Orphans at the Jakaranda Kinderhuis children's home in South Africa where she taught all the children that it is ok to starve and have std's.

After signing her autograph on banana leaves Paris took some publicity pictures with the African kiddies that were brave enough to touch her.

The stupid bitch thinks she can erase years of being a slut weasel, and a talentless crotch licker by having her picture taken with black kids.

Let's hope the children don't run home screaming, "mommy, mommy I want to grow up to be a whore".

Mar. 29, 2008

PARISITE GROWTH

Paris Hilton was in Turkey this week to judge the Ms. Turkey contest. When asked what criteria she would use to judge all the beautiful contestants, Hilton said, "beauty, character, and how they carry themselves." Aww that's nice. They should've asked Parisite, "well what if they have a huge parisitic growth full of puss on their foot?...How many points do they get for that?"

And you guys thought we were being mean by calling her Parisite.... ya'll didn't realize we were just reporting the facts.

Hilton, who has done porn, been arrested for D.U.I, went to jail, been caught smoking marijuana in a club, and flashed her smelly crotch infront of millions of pappos, told reporters yesterday that she is a "role model and inspiration" to young women all over the world.

All over HELL maybe...

Comments

Mar. 31, 2008

HOE DOWN!

You know, right when I feel I'm losing my faith in God, he shows me this picture of Paris Hilton eating dirt.

The cumly heiress was in Prague and Germany this weekend with her pretend boy toy from Good Charlotte and decided that she would get a better look at the floor. Stupid bitch.

Here she is with a nice strawberry on her face. I wonder if she cried for her mommy like she did when the police dragged her ass to the slammer?

Thank you lord... see you in church on Sunday.

Comments

Mar. 27, 2008

ONE TOO MANY BITCHES

Paris Hilton is thinking about getting another dog even though she is still under investigation by The L.A. department of animal services. By law a non-breeder is not allowed to own more than 3 dogs per address. Shit, no more kids for Demi Moore!

Paris says, “"I have 17 dogs — lots. They all sleep in my bed - well, not all of them, but I let some of them . . . they keep having babies, and I feel bad about giving them away"

There's gotta be a joke in there somewhere about panties and a muzzle.

She's like a human punchline.

Comments

Apr. 10, 2008

PARIS HILTONS NEW BS-F

Auditions for Paris Hilton's new reality show took place in New York earlier this week, and unexpected numbers turned up at Nikki Midtown's for the prestigious event. Officials expected around 1,000 hopefuls looking to become Paris' next "best friend". So how many showed up??? Less than 40. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Now that's REALITY.

They're gonna have to change the name of the show to Paris Hilton's Will You Be My Friend....please? What a fucking Loser.

Apr. 12, 2008

PARIS BLOGS

We all knew the day would come when Paris would figure out how to turn her computer on. *SIGH* The Queen of fugly is in London and decided to reply to the nasty rumors about no one showing up to her new reality show on her MySpace Blog.

Hey there sexy boys and girls ;) Current mood: confident Hi Everyone, As you all know I've been traveling all month and am currently in London with Benji having an amazing time. I love London, it is definately one of my favorite cities in the world. And just to clear up any misinformation you may have heard, there are NO open calls for the show! Everyone they invite has applied thru the site and they've picked out the best contenders to interview.

So how come Good Charlotte isn't letting Paris sing any of the songs off of her album while they're on tour? We heard it's because your music sucks worse than hearing a dog being raped by a leaf blower. Or why don't you clear up the misinformation about being an untalented convicted porno slut diseased whore?

Apr. 14, 2008

PARIS RIPS ON KARDASHIAN

Paris Hilton cracks us up man. The heirless bimbo was on The Morning Zoo on 98.5 in Las Vegas. The DJ asked Hilton "What would you rather have...Jessica Simpson's boobs or Kim Kardashian's ass?"

Hilton replies, "I would not want to have that. That's gross. (Kardashian's ass)"

DJ, "Wait a minute, you just said Kim Kardashian's ass is gross?"

Hilton, "Yeah, it reminds me of cottage cheese in a big trash bag."

DAMNNNNN!!!

My toes just went gangrene cus that shit was COLDDD !!!