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May. 26,  2008  

ONE NUT AND NO BOOBS

 
 

        I guess this rumor is true.  Lance Armstrong (37) and Kate Hudson (29) are fucking like rabid chickens.  We never believe internet rumors until we get proof.  And by "proof" we mean seeing the look of guilt, shame and denial on celebrities' faces. 

        ArmHud arrived at Monaco this weekend to watch formula 1 Grand Prix.  We give this relationship another 2 weeks... tops.  We can see the look on Hudson's face...She's already getting tired of his "...when I used to have 2 testicles back in the good ole days" stories. 

       

May. 15,  2008  

HORNY & LOONEY BREAK UP

 
 

        Someone has been putting Owen Wilson's loony meds back in his ice cream, because he suddenly saw the light.  Wilson broke up with Kate Hudson after rumors of a possible engagement.

“It was a pretty bad breakup,” a friend of Owen’s tells People Magazine. “Owen said it was a tough one. He definitely doesn’t want to dwell on it. He wants to put it behind him.”

         Yeah I wouldn't want to dwell on her flat AAA chest either.  You'd have to tie a couple of water-filled condoms to her chest, close your eyes and hit that shit from the back.

 

Apr. 30,  2008  

MOST BEAUTIFUL POSERS

 

 

          Kate Hudson made the cover of People Magazine's "100 Most Beautiful People" proving once again that absolutely no thought or research goes into this magazine.  Now before the Kate Hudson groupies start writing in threatening our mammas... we have to tell you.....ALSO on the list is Rumer Willis.

           If Potato Head Willis is one of the 100 most beautiful people in the world, then people need to start fucking more and creating new people, cus that's a sad world that we live in.

           CLICK HERE to see a a preview of the top 100 *cough* Most Beautiful People.

 

 

Apr. 1,  2008  

DEPRESSED MEETS DIVORCED

 

    

     There's a rumor that Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are planning on moving in together.   .

 "She is ready to nest and has even been talking about having more little ones," a friend of the actress tells the NY Daily News.

        How stupid do you have to be to shack it up and have kids with a suicidal manic depressant.  I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when your mom looks like THIS !!!!

Kate Hudson's mamma, Goldie Hawn, looks like someone beat her ass with an ugly stick and then took a shit on her face. 

Celebrities crack us up.

 

 

Feb. 27,  2008  

BooBLESS STALKER

  Kate Hudson apparently has some serious issues.  E online reports that Kate has the hots for boyband extraordinaire, Justin Timberlake.  "She continues to text message him over and over again."

Hmmm...

She was single and chasing after Black Crows frontman, Chris Robinson, and now she's a single mom and going after N'Sync frontman Timberlake.  After he fucks her and dumps her she will enter the "psycho" part of celebrity life and probably date one of The Wiggles.

 

 

 

Jun. 18,  2008  

ONE NUT AND STILL NO BOOBS

 
 

        Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson finally reveal their love in public.  The two go out on a date last night in NYC and actually hold hands.  These two are totally doing it.

        Sex has got to be a touchy subject with these two. 

        We could make a lot of "bust a nut and boob" jokes here, but we have too much respect for Lance, so we'll move on.... That's right bitches, we have respect.       

 

 

Jun. 23,  2008  

SECRET LOVERS...THAT WHAT WE ARE

 
 

        Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong get their freak on while playing tennis.  Everyone knows tennis is the kinkiest sport there is.  Holding a giant penis and whacking balls while wearing sexy little outfits.  Ew..I get all tingly just thinking about it.

        I swear Armstrong gets more pussy with one nut than I'd get with three nuts.  He's my hero.

        I wonder if she cracks a joke when he puts one of the balls in his pocket...um... they're probably not THAT close yet. 

 

Jul. 9,  2008  

SPANK ME DADDY!

 
 

         Kate Hudson (29) and her new man whore, Lance Armstrong, really like their tennis.  The two take lessons in Palisades, California.  They probably sat on the couch and watched Wimbledon and Kate said, "Man that Rafael Nadal is HOT". 

        And then Armstrong got pissed and said, "I can beat that guy with one hand tied behind my back and 1/2 a nut sac!"

        Hudson can be seen in her new movie, My Best Friend's Girl starring Dane Cook and Jason Biggs.

 

Jul. 30,  2008  

GAME, SET, MATCH

        Kate Hudson (29) and Lance Armstrong (36) have broken up.  The six month love affair between one testicle and no tits....is over.  *cry*

        Sources said they tried to make it work, but the constant bickering and their travel schedules drove them apart, the New York Post dished Wednesday.

“There was no drama or ugliness — they just decided to end things,” an Us Magazine spy adds. “There is no hatred, just sadness.”

        Sadness??? Yeah, sadness when they saw each other naked for the first time. 

        Hudson will sadly end up running back to Owen Wilson like she always does (He has plenty of nuts) leaving Lance all lonely.  That's ok though, he didn't get the name "Armstrong" for nothing.