Copyright © 2007 CelebrityJackAss.com
CAN YOU SAY "POSER"
We've been seeing a lot of Justin Timberlake at sports events lately. HMMMMMMMMM ... what a coincydink that he's the one hosting the ESPY awards this year.
Well didn't THAT work out well?
We're sure that no one at ESPN told him to start doing shit like that so people don't scratch their heads and wonder what the fuck Timberpants is doing hosting a sports show. Have some dignity people.
CLICK HERE to see all the Justin Timberlake's sport personalities in the last month.
TIMBERLAKE CHILLIN
Justin Timberlake did a quick change after the "mystery" wedding this weekend...which was finally revealed as Estee Stanley's wedding. Stanley is a make-up artist to the stars. I have a hard time believing Timberlake and other stars would go to a make-up artists wedding. She must be make-up artist slash drug dealer to the stars.
Speaking of stars that desperately need make-up... Cameron Diaz (Justin's ex hoe) was seen with British playboy and 300 actor Gerard Butler.
Why do the British men always take American leftovers? Nigel Lythgoe and Priscilla Presley, Guy Ritchie and Medussa, and now these two. Man, British women must be paraplegic when it comes to sex.
JUST MARRIED...
Jessica Biel and boy toy Justin Timberwood attended the after party wedding reception of ??? That's right, these two, and a ton of other celebs have been seen entering the Oviatt Hotel in LA yesterday, though no one is talking about who got married.
Now we're guessing it's for Jay-Z and his new wife Bedonkadonk. It's not like they couldn't fly from NYC, where they got married to LA, and back. But either way, when asked, Timberlake, Biel, and the rest of the celebrity posse didn't say shit.
This is what I love about Hollywood. Celebrities make it so hard for the fans that adore them to interact on a reasonable level because deep down in their pea brains celebrities are the most self-centered ego driven ass holes on the planet.
Hence, the existence of Celebrity JackAss. Hoorayyyy!
JUSTIN THINKS HE'S FUNNY
Justin Timberlake dons a curly wig, pornstache and stuffed crotch for his new movie "The Love Guru." The movie also stars Mike Myers, Jessica Alba and Verne Troyer. A real winner. You know your movie is going to suck when Justin Timberlake looks like the funniest thing in it. After seeing his other movies, this bitch should quit the acting thing.
I think he stuffed his crotch with the same strap-on Jessica Biel uses on him.
Justin, take off your shirt, sing in that high-pitched Jacko voice and stay out of movies. If you follow these three rules, everything will be ok.
And will Mike Myers just stop already! Just stop! Open a window, breathe in the fresh air and stop! That's all I can say about him.
TIMBERLAKE TO HOST ESPY's
Justin Timberlake has agreed to host this years ESPY awards in L.A.
Besides pulling Janet Jackson's titty out at the superbowl, what experience does this douche turd have with professional or college sports? Who's gonna be his co-host... The Wiggles? Cus you know, they're in the news a lot to.
Stop fucking around Mr. ESPY. If your awards suck its because nobody give a shit about the MVP from the Helen Keller School of the Blind shuttle-cock team.
TIMBERLAKE GETS AN ASS CAP
Justin Timberpants won two ASCAP awards yesterday at the Kodak theater in LA. ASCAPs are given by the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers (ASCAP)...brilliant. It was originally known as the Distinguished United Music Association Secret Society, but they changed it for some reason.
TIMBERDICK MAKES LITTLE GIRL CRY
Justin Timberdick brought a little girl to tears, and not by singing one of his jazzersize remixes either. The pop pansy was eating at a Cracker Barrel in Batesville, Mississippi with his bitch Jessica Biel, and didn't feel like "acting" nice to his fans anymore.
“Justin’s head is so big, I’m surprised it fit through the door! When a little girl approached their table and asked for Justin’s autograph, he snapped at her. ‘Are you freakin’ out of your mind?’ The little girl fled in tears,” a small town diner reveals to The National Enquirer.
And the little girl wasn’t the only Cracker Barrel diner who wasn't impressed with the Timberdick's ass hole attitude:
“Justin was obviously in a bad mood from the moment they sat down. He was a complete jerk to anyone who looked at him, including the waitress. He acted like he was better than everybody.”
“It was disappointing to see the real Justin Timberlake. He acted like a complete ass! I’ll never buy one of his CDs again,” another fellow diner said.
Apr. 16, 2008
SEXY BACK
Sexy Back whiner, Justin Timbercrotch, gives his fans a look at the good stuff. Wait a minute.... What happened to his sexy back? It looks more like sexy secretary spread.
Jessica Biel's gotta teach Timberdick some of her Jammin to the Oldies Butt busting exercises. Maybe he can borrow some of Kim Kardashian's cottage cheese ass.
Timberdick's planning to remix the 4 Minutes to Save The World single with Madonna for a Verizon Mobile commercial. Wonderful, just what we all need... "4 Minutes to Nights and Weekends."
May. 19, 2008
JUSTIN TIMBERDICK ENGAGED
We're getting all these reports that superprick Justin Timberdick is preparing to propose to his short-term gf Jessica Biel. her way up .
The British Daily Mail reports:
“For the first time in his life he is feeling settled and has definitely decided to pop the question to Jessica,” a tattle gushed in a new report from the British Daily Mail.
“He is so happy with her. They spent quite a bit of time apart recently when Justin was working with Madonna. That made him certain Jessica was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.”
The Grammy-winning star has exquisite plans for his possible big day with Jessica. Justin has already selected the West Indian island of Mustique as the ideal spot for the couple’s wedding.
Because the island of Mustique is owned by it’s residents, J.T would be able to ban the paparazzi.
“….He feels his wedding is the one day that should remain private….To get all his close friends and family to Mustique will cost a fortune. But he can’t put a price on how he feels about Jessica.”
Who knows if this shit is true, but that's the buzz this morning. We don't know who to feel sorry for. Timberdick or McBiel. They're both ass holes from what fans tell us.