"Don't Call Me Latina!" -Jessica Alba
Copyright © 2007 CelebrityJackAss.com
Jun. 2, 2008
SEA COW
Jessica Alba is enjoying her pregnancy. Relaxing at her home in California. Little does she know there's a pappo snapping pics of her unsuspecting prego manatee ass.
Alba, who hates when the pappos photograph her baby bump with clothes on should be having a field day when she comes across these hungry hungry hippo pics onine.
Run pappo run!
May. 20, 2008
SATAN WEDS
The Queen of Darkness, Jessica Alba, in married according to a new report by People. The two were cursed married in a secret ceremony on Monday.
27-yr old Alba is carrying the spawn of Satan and is expected to unleash it any day now. Maybe they'll sell their wedding pictures to the 'Who The Fuck Cares' Magazine.
ALBA IS A GLOWING FATTY
We know that Jessica Alba is pregnant, and that it's supposed to be a wonderful miracle of life and crap, but you have to help but wonder if the talentless shrewd will ever be the same. I mean all she really ever had was her looks. She can't act, can't sing, can't dance, and nobody really likes her. Poor thing. *laugh*
Man, look at the size of her, though. She looks like she's about to give birth to Juan Valdez and his fucking donkey. That Hillshire Farms curtain she's wearing hides it pretty well though.
$10 bucks says the baby is born with horns on its head or hooves on its feet.
ALBA GETS SHOWER, NOT THE ONE SHE NEEDS
Estranged Latina, Jessica Alba had her baby shower this weekend at a Tea shop in LA. Guests included Rashida Jones and reality slut Kim Kardashian. Hmmm, we wonder if she invited Perez Hilton.
Albina told E! that she's expecting her baby girl in June. Which she might call be calling "Honor"...hey, get it anyway you can.
The popping of this baby officially marks the end of this hoe's pitiful career. She can't act, can't sing, can't smile, and the only thing keeping her afloat was her looks.
Haste La vista....baby
ALBA TO NAME KID "HONOR"
Star Magazine (you know, News for Rednecks) is reporting that Jessica Alba, has discovered that she's having a girl and she is going to name her "Honor".
Now we know AlbaWhore is pretty much as dumb as they cum, but she can't be that stupid...can she?
“This woman was so exited that Jessica is having a girl.” And another family friend picked out a charm
bracelet for the unborn tot that spelled out ‘HONOR’.
Who's she trying to kid? Mexican's don't have any honor. They should name the kid "Lynn Lawn Care" and buy her a little hoe.
KIDS LOVE ALBINA
The Mexican Albino, Jessica Alba, won "Favorite Movie Actress" at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards last night.
The usually disgusted looking mother of Satan's spawn, even cracked a smile after being presented the award by Janet Jackson. I wonder how many Pesos they had to give her to do that?
Albina's publicists are working double overtime to resurrect her shitty career after continuous flops at the box office and a general bad attitude by the prissy actress thinking she's God's gift to America.
Albina also won the PMS award and the "most likely to get divorced before marriage award".
CELEBRITY QUOTE OF THE DAY
A Mexican Satan....huh....El Diablo de la Pregnancia!.....sweet.
You were a bitch way before you got pregnant and you're still a bitch. Stop trying to blame hormones, your baby or the poor devil. He's already shit scared of you.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Jessica Alba is currently in Paris promoting that piece of shit movie "The Eye." Jessica took to her MySpace blog to write about her new obsession with ham and cheese sandwiches from Paris.
She wrote:
"Every day I have eaten ham and cheese sandwiches, I can't get enough of them. Wish they had these back in the states, the bread is amazing. My tummy is getting bigger by the second and the little one must like the food too because it is moving and kicking like crazy. ITS THE BEST."
Damn I wish they had ham & cheese sandwiches in the states to. .... If only there was someplace that sold lavish French ingredients...like HAM and how do you say that other thing...CHEESE? Someplace that they might call El Walmarto.
Fucking Idiot.
I wanna know, at what point do
you arrive in Paris, go to a
French restaurant and order "ham
& cheese". Remember
France, she represents Mexico,
not the U.S.
Jun. 9, 2008
IT'S A BITCH!
\
Jessica "fat" Alba finally popped... damn it. I had the weekend Hell Boy II was released was when she'd pop, in the office pool. There goes $2 I'll never see again. The Sin City actress gave birth to a healthy baby girl at Sinai Medical Center in L.A. this weekend.
Poor kid. You know she's gonna be getting a lot of "Look what you did to my body!" beatings from her mamma.
No word on the kid's name yet, but the smart money would be on Elvira: Queen of the damned...after her mother.
Jul. 11, 2008
ALBA SELLS OUT
Jessica Alba (27) has cut a deal with Ok Magazine to sell the first pictures of her newborn baby, Honor. Ironic isn't it...To name your kid "Honor" and then sell her images to a skanky tabloid for $1.5 million.
She should name her next kid Dignity.
"Honor! Tell Dignity to stop picking his nose and come for dinner....Oh and bring your brother Shameless Promotion.
Jul. 16, 2008
I SOLD YOUR LITTLE MEXICAN SOUL
Jessica Alba (27) should feel right at home when her soul goes STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!!
The angry drama mamma sold the first images of her daughter, Honor, to the dirty tabloid-mongers for $1.5 million. For another mill she woulda just handed over the kid and threw in a free box of Huggies.
Worst mother ever!