When you can

Dumb Blonde

Apr. 27, 2008

PRESIDENTIAL FREAK SHOW

Anybody jealous that they didn't get invited to the White House correspondants' dinner this weekend? Don't be. We can't remember the last time we've seen a bigger collection of losers, has-beens, and d-listers in our lives.

Heidi Montag, Pamela Anderson, Perez Hilton, Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz, and that guy that hosts of the Soup?

We knew that people hated the president but we didn't know it was so bad that they would put together a freak show at the White House. Montag and Pam Anderson compared silicone parts while Asslee Simpson and Perez played, "who looks more pregnant" and Lauren Conrad and Condaleezza Rice fought over which Jonas Brother is cuter.

CLICK HERE to see all the pics of the freak show.

Apr. 24, 2008

REJECTED

When MSNBC invited Heidi Montag to Washington D.C. to be their guest at the 2008 White House Correspondents' Gala , Spencer Pratt automatically assumed that he was invited to. So he asked for first class tickets to D.C. for the both of them along with his missing invitation.

After MSNBC finished rolling on the floor laughing, they politely told Spence to fuck off.

After Pratt wiped the shit off his face, he started crying, "If I can't go, then she can't go" and pulled Montag off of the guest list.

Oh no!... What will the nation do now???

They shoulda told him that he could come if he stays in the kitchen and washed dishes afterwards.

Apr. 20, 2008

GHETTOWOOD FASHION

Heidi Manfag doesn't give up very easily does she? Even after the shittiest reviews she could possibly get after her fashion show last week, the mentally challenged bimbo launched her new clothing line, Heidiwood, at Kitson on Robertson Blvd in Los Angeles on Saturday.

She looks like she's at a clearance sale at the Ghetto Factory Outlets. What the hell is she wearing? I think I made something like that once for Home Economics class in 7th grade. The teacher gave me an F-. Bitch.

Apr. 17, 2008

"I WANT BUTT IMPLANTS"

Heidi Montag, The Hills star that has a fake nose, fake lips, fake tits, fake tan, and fake relationship now says she wants... fake butt implants, according to Life & Style Magazine.

I hope the surgeon gets drunk and fucks up on her operation. Puts her cheek implants in her face.

Heidi and Spencer have been seen all over New York taking fake pictures to sell to the pappos. Man, if I saw this bitch on the streets I would pay some kid to go up to her, point and say, "Hey, look at that freak! She scares me mommy."

Apr. 17, 2008

THE MOST IRRITATING PEOPLE ON EARTH

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are currently in New York to promote....well... themselves. The Hills fungus pair were seen coming out of the Plaza Hotel and making their way to the Sony building.

That's right, let the Japanese get a taste how we will make them suffer if they keep out sourcing. Brilliant.

UPDATE: In related news, we have received a shit load of emails...one from a dude... (not to thank us for our brilliant journalism) asking what brand of shoes it is that Heidi is wearing. We have contacted her publicist/agent and will let you know.

Apr. 15, 2008

MONTAG IS SMOKING SOMETHING

Hills hoe, Heidi Montag, really is an interesting person. We've never met anyone SO in denial. The talentless, adolescent reality diva told MTV News:

“I am definitely registering to vote. I’ve just been so busy and crazy filming and working on my album and working on my fashion show that I’ve hardly had any time,” she said at the Heidiwood fashion show.

The hoe even talked about her non existent movie career. “The perfect movie I want to do is like [Jennifer Garner’s character] Sydney Bristow on Alias. I want to be, like, an action star. I want a big gun,” she laughed. “Like Angelina Jolie roles. I want to be the badass.”

She also turned down doing a movie for The Hills: “I’ve never discussed a movie possibility for The Hills…and I’m not sure if for my first movie I’d let Lauren Conrad narrate me, so I don’t think that would be something I would do. If I was doing movies, I’d want it to be with Denzel Washington or something like that. If they were to make a Hills movie, I wouldn’t be in it. No, thank you.”

We know that "pussy" is a powerful weapon in Hollywood... shit, all over the world... but you'd have to have a magic pussy made of gold and pull your fat head out of it, before Denzel Washington would ever even think about even doing a "This is Your Brain on Crack" commercial with your loser ass.

Apr. 28, 2008

THIS SHIT HAS TO STOP

Vomit vixen, Heidi Manfag and her walking tampon, Spencer Pratt run around D.C. posing for pictures dressed in red, white, and blue and holding American Flags. Man, I just wanna take one of those flags and stick it up their fuckin.....take deep breaths...take deep breaths and kick the dog...

They should put this picture in immigration to ward off terrorists. Show them what we have to look at every fucking day of our lives. They'd be like, "fuck this Osama Bin Lama, look how much these poor American citizens are suffering. No country deserves this much torture...let us rejoice in the knowledge that the douches in our country must hide their faces. Praise Allah!"

May. 29, 2008

HEIDI HAS TO PEE

More fake pics of Heidi Manfag and Spineless Brat are surfacing on the web. This time of the two frolicking on the beach. You might wonder why we post these annoying peons so much. Basically with a body like Heidi's...you can put her next to a bag of dog shit and people would still get that happy tingly feeling in their jiblets.

Our apologies to dog shit for the Spencer Pratt comparison.

CLICK HERE to see all the fake pics.

Jun. 24, 2008

THE DAY THAT MUSIC DIED

By now you've heard that Heidi Montag has a new single out called "Fashion". If you haven't, I'm moving to your house.

This bitch is an evil genius. She's going to continue to put out God awful, fish killing music until people pay her to stop. In the song she sings "Fashion, put it all on me... Don't you wanna see these clothes on me?"

No you stupid hoe..we don't want to see it all on you... Or the song would be called "Cum Stain". Now stop singing! I heard better sounds coming from my cat when I hit him with the weed wacker and he was begging to die.

CLICK HERE if you haven't heard this garbage and have recently done something wrong that deserves punishment.