Ashton Kutcher

Apr. 14, 2008

DEFINITELY GAY

First Details Magazine puts Ryan Seacrest on their cover and now Asston Kutcher? Does anyone else sense a "pansy" theme going on over there at Details?

We love the "Kutcher gets his ass kicked" caption, although it's not very cool talking about his marriage like that in public. For all you Kutcher fans out there, here is a piece of the article:

"We are facing each other across a round white table in the 14th-floor office of Kutcher’s production company, Katalyst Films and Television, just east of the Sunset Strip, our butts on metal-frame chairs. Kutcher is doing something he will ask me later not to write about, something he says he doesn’t want children to know he does."

Hey, come on, man... We all know Kutcher picks his ass and smells his hand afterwards. It's all good.

Apr. 5, 2008

KUTCHER JUMPS FOR JOY

Assless Kutcher is shooting for his new movie, Spread. Camera crews followed the silly boy around Robertson Blvd in Hollywood all day in and out of stores.

Robertson Blvd is known particularly for its daily media and paparazzi frenzies so we thinkest Assless was upto his usual PopFiction debauchery as well.

How bad do you wish that car was moving?

Mar. 17, 2008 - 12:20 p.m.

ASSTON KUTCHER'S SMALL DICK NOT POP FICTION

Asston Kutcher is good at tricking people into thinking thing's aren't what they appear, but even he couldn't do anything to salvage his teeny weeny pop fiction peni.

Judging from the photo shoot we'd say he's got a good 1 1/2 inches of lead in that pencil. And we've heard that Calvin actually does some stuffing in his underwear ads. God we hope not.

Whew....That Demi Moore sure is a lucky gal. To be serviced by that pee shooter every night, has got to be every woman's dream.

You know Bruce Willis is mailing Demi a pair of Osh Kosh Bigosh undies right now.

Mar. 7, 2008 - 3:30 P.m.

ASHTON FIGHTS BACK

Punk'd producer, Ashton Kutcher has done it again! This fucker's brilliant. He's turning the tables on the media, tabloids, pappos, and yes even the bloggers.

Kutcher is co-producing a new reality show that fucks with EVERYONE'S minds. The show puts known celebrities in staged scenarios allowing the millions of pappos and tabloids to report a ridiculously fake story. They won't know when or where Kutchers gonna strike.

Unlike Punk'd, Kutcher will not be popping out at the end of each stunt. (Now there's 2 reasons to watch!)

The show will be called Pop Fiction. And has already been rumored to have set up the pappos big time. Some of the rumored gossip created by Kutcher's imagination include: Kate Hudson's pregnancy, Paris Hilton's relationship with Benji Madden, and Paris Hilton's new Shaolin Monk friend.

We love the idea. Any show that fucks with the reputation of Celebrity Jack Asses is fine with us!

Mar. 6, 2008 - 8:30 a.m.

TRY NOT TO LAUGH

Fashion... What Hollywood considers fashion the rest of the self respecting world considers hilarious.

That's why I present the following with so much joy.

It's Hollywood's most "Fashionable Couples" according to Style Mag. Now remember that they are being serious when they made this list.

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
David and Victoria Beckham
Heidi Klum and Seal
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher topped the list of most fashionable as you can see. And from the picture above you can also see that Hollywood is into the "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" look.

Well of course Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes & Demi Moore and Ashton are fashionable....between these four they cover like 8 generations of fashion.

David Beckham and Posh Spice? Really? I guess teeth brushing isn't really considered fashion so you got me.

Heidi Klum and Seal? Well this one I can understand. Anything that Seal wears that distracts us from looking at his face should be rewarded.

Will Smith thinks Hitler was a cool brotha ... ENOUGH SAID!

Apr. 17, 2008

ASHTON TALKS ABOUT GONADS

Pop Fiction whore, Ashton Kutcher, spent Christmas last year explaining the difference between the birds and the bees to Demi Moore's kids. Good plan... scar the little fuckers for life so they'll never ask for presents again.

Kutcher tells Elle Magazine that he knows Rumer (19) is having sex with one of her boyfriends.

"I knew that one of the girls had had sex and hadn’t really talked to us about it, so I wanted to create an open forum for her. So over Christmas last year, we had a conversation about sex — all of us except Tallulah, the youngest … and one boyfriend was there."

How fucked up do your kids have to be to get sex advice from Ashton Kutcher? The boyfriend probably thought he was being Punk'd when Ashton pulled out sock puppets and an Oscar Meyer hot dog.