What everyone already knew now is officially official.  Assless Simpson is pregnant with Wentz's devil sperm.  The two got married yesterday in a private ceremony and Simpson announced at the reception that she is knocked up and has not aborted.

        Originally Pappa Joe was trying to get one of the dumber networks to buy the news of Simpson's pregnancy, but apparently no combination of drugs and alcohol could make that happen, so she just spilled the beans at her wedding reception.

        Good luck to the happy couple...nah, fuck that...good luck to that poor kid.

 

        Big Pappa Joe had gotten his dick in a knot trying to cash in on Assless Simpson's wedding to panzy Pete Wentz.  Well People Magazine either wanted to shut his ass up or are they have mucho dinero coming out of their asses... because they have reportedly bought the Wentz-Simpson wedding photos for an estimated $1.3 million.

         That's the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard.  I wouldn't give $2 and a My Little Pony trading card for pictures of those two retards in marital bondage... or any other kind of bondage...well maybe for a little Pappa Joe S&M but that's different.

        People Mag must be run by monkeys. 

 

        Two eligible ass whipes will be ineligible as of May 17th.  That's right... that's the date Pete Wentz and Assless Simpson have chosen to tie the knot.  Make sure to mark your calendars to not give a shit on that day.

        Assless is still playing stupid about her pregnancy until Pappa Joe finds someone to pay them for news that everyone already knows.  So far...no buyers.  I think the price is down to $32.50 and a six pack of Zima.

 

        Assless Simpson is embracing her new role as head slut of the family.  As we mentioned earlier, Assless was dubbed hotter than older sis, Whatshername Simpson, in Maxims 2008 Hot 100 List.

          Assless has been using her Osh Kosh B'gosh push-up bra to flash her shiny tits all over town this week.  She finally realized that only by embracing her inner hoe will she be able to achieve true Hollywood enlightenment.

 

        This should spice things up a little.  Assless Simpson was voted hotter than her older sister Jessica Simpson on Maxim's 2008 Hot 100 List. 

        Insiders told Page Six that Ashlee Simp son landed at No. 18, while once-favored older sis Jessica Simpson came in at a lowly No. 53.

       That's gotta be a slap in the face, or a kick in the crotch.  When your ugly little, awkward goth sister is deemed hotter than you.  I guess gangbanging the entire Dallas Cowboys roster didn't do much for her rotting career.  Thank God Jess still has those pimple infomercials.  Whew

   

         Ok Magazine reports that Ashlee Simpson is getting her own reality show.    You know, from now on we're just gonna name the celebrities that DON'T have a reality show....less typing. 

         Of course Pappa Joe is the evil dastardly mind that's putting this all together and pitching it to all the networks.  He's hoping that this show will resurrect Asslee's rotting career like it did for Jessica Simpson.  That shit will never work...  NO one is as stupid as Jessica.  Besides Nick and Jessica are good looking.  Ashlee and Pete look like two drunken circus monkeys.   

            We want to see Pete sleep with Jessica while Assless is pregnant.  Now that would be a good reality show... and probably a good murder trial too.

 

         Assless Simpson and Pete Wentz strongly denied any and all rumors that Assless was pregnant with Wentz's devil spawn. Wentz went so far as to call the rumors a "witch hunt"

        Today People.com is reporting that a family friend says that not only is the whore pregos, but that the Cletus & Butthead duo are planning to get married in May at a private residence in Southern California.

        Lying to your fans... Shame Shame everybody knows your worthless skank names. 

        "Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Wentz.... It's a Pansy!"