Everyone's favorite American Idol flamer, Danny Noriega, won't be coming to the American Idol final next week.  Why?  Cus he wasn't invited.  And he's pissed.

        Now normally we don't like whiny little girls, but damn, this kid has a right to be pissed. The producers told him that he can't come because they're full.... Full of shit! 

        He cracked the top 24 and he can't come to the finale.  That's low.  That's REALLY lowwwwww.

        And you thought we were ass holes.

 

        Fantasia showed up at American Idol last night, looking like a African Ronald McDonald tranny pimp.  Believe it or not, THAT was actually the most interesting thing to happen all night.

        Florida soul sister, Syesha Mercado got the boot leaving behind David 'Pubic Hair' Archuletta and David Cook.  Poor Syesha... with Florida voters....she never had a chance.

        American Idol took a dip in the ratings this year...Still beating every show ever made in the ratings, but not really beating the shit of them and pissing on their rotting bodies...like it did before. 

 

        Jason Castro, the druggy from Texas said goodbye to the beloved American Idol hoopla extravaganza.  Any stoner that messes up the lyrics to a Bob Marley song should be crucified and then shot and then drowned and then shot again.

        Look on the bright side all of you Castro fans...Chris Daughtry was eliminated 4th and he went on to superstardom.  Now Castro's not as likeable, smart, good looking and not nearly as talented as Daughtry... and he can't form a self-named band like Chris did because he's named after a hated, assassination-proned Cuban dictator, but he's got ugly ass fake dreads, and he can pass a joint with the best of em.

        Now if Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows would just drop dead Castro would have a job.     
 

          Heads are rolling this morning in the American Idol studios.  In case you missed it... During last nights show Paula Abdul read notes off of her cue card for critiquing round 1 and round 2 of the Idols' performances.  The problem is, they hadn't sung round 2 yet.

          What a fucking moron!

          Someone better fess up to slipping a mickey in Paula's Coke cup or people might start to actually realize that the show is rigged.  They'll have Seacrud come up with some lame excuse tonight during the results show to explain the whole thing.  "Urrrr.. Paula was suffering from "dumb bitch" syndrome.  It affects over 1 American each year." 

 

         Ain't life funny?

        Last week American Idol's David Cook was singing Mariah Carey, and this week Cook's pissing on her album. 

        The rocker's 2006 album, Analog Heart is burning up the charts.  It was the number one selling album being downloaded on Amazon.com beating out Mariah's new LP, E = BS squared.

         I guess being a ringer on American Idol really does have its perks.  Maybe they'll let Mariah audition next season.  "Yes, and who do people say you most sound like?" 

 

        It hasn't even been 24 hours since David Cook won American Idol and they're already trying to fuck up his life.  Above is the cover of Cook's new single (that they're making him sing) Time of My Life. 

        They should rename it Time of My Life in Prison, because the cover looks like a god damn mugshot.  All the millions of dollars that he made for them and the cheap bastards use a used 1982 MacIntosh computer to make his first cover.  Nice.

       

        I saw this once when I was driving thru Compton Blvd. at 2 a.m. and I had the munchies so I stopped at McDonalds. 

        Fantastic Burrito showed up at last nights Idol finale dressed like the Ronald McDonald and KFC Colonel bastard child.  She didn't perform again...thank god. 

         They should've made David Archuletta's dad sit next to her Ronald McDonald tranny ass during the finale until he apologized for being an asshole.

 

        In case you missed it...

   
    

       

        The rocker, David Cook, took home the American Idol title.  How shitty is that.  He'll be relegated to using that great rocker voice to sing teeny bopper songs for 13-yr old slumber party night like Bo Bice did. 

        He also got an apology from Simon Cowell for his rude comments.  What the hell... fuck the Idol win, Cowell apologized on national T.V. for being a dick?  That's the sweetest victory.

        I'd be setting that apology up as my ring tone for the next 83 years.    I'm still waiting for an Idol contestant to sing "Fuck You, I won't do what you tell me!" by Rage Against The Machine....No one's checking the Idol suggestion box damn it!

          Congrats to David Cook.