Big Pappa Joe had gotten his dick in a knot trying to cash in on Assless Simpson's wedding to panzy Pete Wentz.  Well People Magazine either wanted to shut his ass up or are they have mucho dinero coming out of their asses... because they have reportedly bought the Wentz-Simpson wedding photos for an estimated $1.3 million.

         That's the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard.  I wouldn't give $2 and a My Little Pony trading card for pictures of those two retards in marital bondage... or any other kind of bondage...well maybe for a little Pappa Joe S&M but that's different.

        People Mag must be run by monkeys. 

 

        Someone has been putting Owen Wilson's loony meds back in his ice cream, because he suddenly saw the light.  Wilson broke up with Kate Hudson after rumors of a possible engagement.

         Yeah I wouldn't want to dwell on her flat AAA chest either.  You'd have to tie a couple of water-filled condoms to her chest, close your eyes and hit that shit from the back.

 

        As we reported earlier, Speed Racer bombed at the movies this weekend taking in a miserable $18 million.  That's how much Bill Gates and his family spend at the movies in one day.

        Emile Hirsch is so pissed about the box office flop that he fired his agent, United Talent agency's Sheri Rozenweig.  So you went from the lead role in an Academy Award Movie (Into The Wild) to playing a cartoon reject.  So you'll never be taken as a serious actor again for the rest of your life.  That's no reason to blame the person in charge of picking your roles and guiding your career...is it?  Well maybe a little...

        Warner Bro's is doing everything they can to save the rotting flick... Lying about the films gross by saying it earned them $20 million to put them in second place this weekend behind Iron Man.  Next they'll probably launch commercials saying "its the No. 1 Movie... of a remake of a Japanese 80's racing cartoon that begins with the letter "S"... in America!

 

        Fantasia showed up at American Idol last night, looking like a African Ronald McDonald tranny pimp.  Believe it or not, THAT was actually the most interesting thing to happen all night.

        Florida soul sister, Syesha Mercado got the boot leaving behind David 'Pubic Hair' Archuletta and David Cook.  Poor Syesha... with Florida voters....she never had a chance.

        American Idol took a dip in the ratings this year...Still beating every show ever made in the ratings, but not really beating the shit of them and pissing on their rotting bodies...like it did before. 

 

        The Insider reports that everyone's favorite Jew hating alcoholic Mel Gibson is vacationing in Costa Rica with everyone's favorite train wreck Britney Spears.  I don't know what Costa Rica ever did to us, but fuck 'em they should suffer just like the rest of us.

        Spears, who is traveling with her daddy Jaime, joined Gibson at LAX about 3 hours ago.  What kind of twisted threesome is that? No word yet as to the reason for the sudden island get away.  Maybe Gibson wants to recruit the Brit for an upcoming role in "The Passion of Crack".

 

        Gwyneth Alpo graces the cover of V Magazine.  And by "graces" we mean "looks like a senile clown whore".  We read about 1/2 the article on this useless bitch before it put our asses to sleep.  She should be on the cover of Zzzz Magazine.  She tries too hard to sound intelligent and comes off like a royal jackass.

        Why did you choose to do Iron Man?

            "I liked the cast."  (Got tired of beating my kids)

        What does it mean for a director to be good with actors?

            "There is an underlying belief in you, so you feel safe. And because there is an underlying respect, you can try new things."    (2 puffs and a pass)

        Will you have more kids?

            “I don’t know. I go back and forth. I can’t bear the idea of not having another one, but I also can’t bear the idea of being pregnant again. I’m so bad at it. I was sick the whole time. We’ll see. It changes from day to day. If it’s meant to be it will happen.”  (I'm old with stretch marks and killer morning breath so probably not, but you never know when that condom's gonna snap).

 

 

        People.com is reporting that Shania Twain and her music producer hubby, Mutt Lunge are separating.

        I guess he don't impress her much.  (hey, shut the hell up, I'm tired)

 

       Megan Fox is hot.  Just ask her.

        The arrogant little priss went off at a party after some dude compared her to Angelina Jolie. 

        They should start comparing her stupid ass to Marilyn Manson.  Arrogance is unattractive.  I'm taking her off my "to do" list.

        WAIT! I didn't mean that...that's just the caffeine and meth talking baby... I'll still do you. 

 

        Christina Aguilera is out and about after losing all the prego weight.   Aguilera went drinkin with her hubby Jordan last night in NYC.  Hey if I couldn't drink for 9 months I'd be plastered every night afterwards too.  Fuck it, I couldn't even do the 9 months, the baby'd have to come out of me lookin like Larry the Cable Guy.

        Hey, I think I just discovered why dudes don't get pregnant.

 

        Mariah Carey and her boy toy Nick Cannon-Carey celebrated their newly divorce-prone marriage by renting the entire theme park 6-flags for them and their friends.  Afterwards they sold the pics to the highest bidder. 

        Ah yes...Nothing spells LOVE more than capital gain in a declining gross market economy. 

 

        Angelina breaks the news on her Twins.

 

   "I think that's just the way my face falls. But yeah, maybe, when I do see pictures, sometimes I think, 'You miserable cow'."
                                      
                                                      - Victoria Beckham

        That's what WE think when we see your pictures too.  Amazing, great minds think alike.......... And so do ours.